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A week or so ago, a thought entered my head. It was about fruits. About their shape actually. Most of them are vague spheroids. Somewhat rough on the outside, even spiky sometimes. The man who first thought of biting into an apple or a pineapple must have been on the brink of desperation. Either that, or they weren’t very discerning back then and ate everything with utter abandon.

But as any detective worth his/her hat and overcoat would tell you, exceptions are the answers to all life’s questions. Think unwieldy fruit. Think exception. Aha!

I did a bit of research (lay on my bed looking at the fan) and came up with this startling revelation. I paid 40 bucks to a time-traveller acquaintance to cross check the facts for me. The news that he brought me from the distant past was sketchy but pretty much confirmed…

My Banana Theory

One fine morning, some time towards the end of the Cretaceous age (roughly 145-66 million years ago), the force field doors to a cloaked alien scout ship open and two aliens from the far end of the neighbouring galaxy step out. They look different from each other but are pretty much humanoid. One explodes into a bout of serious coughing as soon as he is out. The other supports him and helps him sit down.

“I can’t take this planet much longer, Hrrum Kthoom,” says the sick one. “The air is too oxygenated, the vegetation is terrible and the dominant life form is reptilian. There is no hope here.”

He stops for a while and almost dies coughing. Then he continues, “I am surprised they ever got out of the Jurassic age. Let us go back. Let us please go back.”

“We can’t go back just yet Karrum Burroom,” says the one still on his feet. The air affects him too but his mixed parentage helps. His mother was descended from the amphibious races of planet Gellyom. “Our mission requires us to be around for slightly longer.”

Karrum Burroom sighs. Hrrum Kthoom touches his arm. “I have something for you,” he says.

They walk around their ship. Hrrum Kthoom points to something.

“That’s a tree,” Karrum Burroom says.

“It’s a herb actually,” said Hrrum Kthoom. “I made it just for you. I have spent the past moon-cycle looking for a way to make you feel better. I downloaded synthetic fruit formats from the Galactic Net and added what little I know about your physiology and the properties of this planet’s soil.”

Hrrum Kthoom runs to his creation and uses a pole to cause a neat cluster of yellow fruit to fall. He then brings it to his ailing friend.

“See?” said Hrrum Kthoom. “It can be gripped easily. There is a nub on top of each individual fruit that you can use to pull of its protective skin and reveal the potassium rich white flesh. The shape is easy on the mouth, unlike the unwieldy spheroids this planet abounds in,” he stopped to breathe. Then he said, “I hope you like it.”

Karrum Burrom gingerly unpeels the fruit and takes a bite. Then he closes his eyes and breathes, “Potasssium.”

The Potassium clears his system and freshens him. His eyes widen and his joints firm up. Then he notices Hrrum Kthoom has moved in closer. “Burroom,” he speaks the name softly.

Karrum Burroom takes a step back, “We have been through this before. Let us not do it again. You know how I feel about the inter-species thing.”

“I love you Burroom,” said Hrrum Kthoom again, for no useful reason, looking at the forest floor of the wretched planet he stood on.

Karrum Burroom killed an urge to hug his friend. Instead he gently pushed an icy “thank you” in his direction and went back into the ship.

My contact insists this is pretty much how it went. But I can’t deny he lets his imagination run away sometimes. However the romantics of the story do not concern us. The point, hardly in need of proof, is confirmed. The banana is just too user-friendly to have been created by a nature that gave us pineapples to eat.

I wrote this originally for Melody’s blog as a guest post here.

Posted on Monday, April 9th, 2007 at 10:15 am and filed under theory, SF.

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